Friday, October 21, 2011

Ultra-conservative moms of America, unite!

This news article caught my attention, and I thought it was interesting enough to merit a blog post, because I already know the opinions of most of you who read this will be like mine.

Some stores freezing out Ben & Jerry's new flavor

Ben & Jerry's Schweddy Balls ice cream is too hot to handle for some supermarket chains. While the new limited-edition flavor has brought chuckles from fans of the "Saturday Night Live" skit on which it's based, some supermarket chains aren't laughing and have been giving it a cold shoulder.

The flavor featuring fudge-covered rum balls has been absent from some grocery freezers since it was unveiled. The title was inspired by an innuendo-laced 1998 skit featuring Alec Baldwin as baker Pete Schweddy, who promises, "No one can resist my Schweddy balls."

But apparently some grocery store chains can, and so can supporters and members of the One Million Moms group.
That Mississippi-based moms organization has been putting the heat on retailers to keep Schweddy Balls out of their freezers and encouraging parents to ask the Vermont-based Ben & Jerry's to stop production of the item, saying the name is nothing but locker room humor that's not appropriate for young children.


Read the full article here: http://news.yahoo.com/stores-freezing-ben-jerrys-flavor-213431173.html

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Okay, first off...seriously?! Amid the thousands of comments tumbling in on this topic (on Yahoo alone), I read several that made me laugh out loud, including:

"So we have to ban Blow-Pops now too?"

"Schweddy Balls is not allowed, but the Cosmopolitan Magazine on display at the cash register with half-naked bodies, HOW TO HAVE GREAT SEX! in huge letters, and the word "va-jay-jay" everywhere IS??!?!"

"Maybe they should have called it Alec's Balls instead."

"Ban Barbie dolls, kids might see them naked. Silly people."

"I think the next flavor should be called 'Go fudge yourself.' "

I was relieved to see that 99% of the comments I read thought this whole issue was just as dumb as I did. There were some, however, who were simply laughable because they were so up in arms over the word "balls" - like the one woman (from Mississippi, go figure) who commented:

"It's stupid and vulgar. You can't help but see it if it's in the store. It's not like it's novelty ice cream at a sex shop. It's offensive that they would sully our eyes with this language. I do my best to instill respect and self-worth in my kids, and this screaming at them from the grocery store shelf counteracts all the hard work I do."

Okay, Miss Texe. Those arguments just don't stand. YOU think it's stupid and vulgar, but clearly most other people (aside from the "one million moms", apparently) don't.

You're right, it's not novelty ice cream at a sex shop...because it doesn't HAVE to be. It's the word "BALLS"!!

And if your children seeing the word "balls" on an ice cream carton is going to counteract all your hard work, I wonder what you're really teaching them.

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As most of you know, I nanny two young girls. As intelligent, precocious, and cunning as they both are, I GUARANTEE that if I showed them a carton of this ice cream, their only concern would be "what flavor is it?" Or even, "how do you pronounce the first word?" (And I laugh out loud just imagining the sarcastic tirade their mother would throw at this whole issue.)

Sometimes, the excuse that something "is inappropriate for kids" is really just a mask to hide the fact that the adult is so easily offended. And even if it's not, the fact remains that the kids AREN'T GOING TO GET IT. They don't understand the sexual and political innuendos or jokes adults swear are corrupting them. So if they don't grasp the concept, how is it dangerous to their delicate little brains?

(It's like the "Disney is corrupt" bullshit - the sweeping argument that there are phallic messages in their movies. Don't even get me started on that one.)

These "save the kids" campaigns really get on my nerves...America is the only country so concerned with children's censorship, and yet we have some of the worst performance and education levels among first world countries.

Obviously, I'm commenting more on a broader picture than just this ice cream debacle. Now living in the Netherlands, I've seen more bare breasts and butts on public television than I ever have in my life. At first, I was taken aback. Not that I had just seen some woman's breasts in a commercial for Dove body wash, but that it was allowed to be aired (during the day, of all times). When I brought this up to Bjorn, he shrugged, surprised at my surprise. "What's the big deal?"

He's right, really. They're just breasts. They're a natural body part, and every woman is born with them. It's the overprotective censorship ideal that conservative America has shoved down my throat that made me think it was taboo.

I'd love to show these One Million Moms that commercial. Better yet, I'd love to start a campaign to allow bare breasts on public television in America - just to see the frantic scramble to shield their kids' eyes and have my head on a platter.

Of course, there are a lot of people who think there's a very solid line between "Schweddy balls" and breasts on public TV. I get that. My own opinion is that they don't bother me, but my point is that much of the rest of the world is far more nonchalant about issues Americans get so up in arms about.

Honestly, there are so many more things to worry about. If you're so offended by the name of an ice cream flavor - first off, lighten up. People are much happier when they don't allow themselves to be so offended by things.

Secondly, if you still have a problem - just don't buy it! Why are you feeding your impressionable-aged children gourmet ice cream anyway?

And thirdly, if you really think the term "Schweddy balls" is going to corrupt your children, maybe you should re-evaluate your own parenting methods.

Meanwhile, the rest of us will continue to have a laugh at your expense.

I'm going to go eat my balls now.

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